NO LESSER ROLES, JUST DIFFERENT ROLES
February 13, 2018
Marriage was God's
first joining together in the Bible of a man to a woman as husband and wife in sharing life on earth together. Marriage works
best when a husband and wife agree that what works most consistently is when
each one brings his and her unique Godly thoughts and ideas to strengthen the marriage.
A husband can clean a house without any extra meaning to it. He loves his wife,
he likes a clean home, so he cleaned it. A woman can paint a house and make
repairs without any extra meaning to it. She loves her husband, she likes
beautiful clean walls and she knows how to fix things so she painted and repaired
what she knew how to repair without any extra meaning to it.
They have not changed
roles, they are just sharing life. Let us not be too rigid in our definitions
of what a husband and wife should do in a marriage. Two people who come together
with different talents that make their marriage sweet, stress-free and
comfortable is not a sign of greater or lesser roles.
A wife will always be
the tender, gentle female that her husband married. A husband will always be the
male, that man that his wife married him to be. What they do to make the marriage
happier is not a matter of lesser roles, just different roles.
One is a man and he
brings unique things to the marriage. One is a woman and she brings unique
things to the marriage. There are no lesser roles, just different roles.
Think about some
parts of the world where the wife farms in the hot sun alongside her husband.
She is playing the role of partner right alongside her husband. What about when
a husband cooks or bathes the children until his wife comes homes from work, or
from an appointment, or from traveling. He is not operating in a lesser role.
He is operating in true partnership right alongside his wife as husband, father
and reliable partner.
There are no lesser
roles in a Godly marriage, just different roles.
February 2, 2018
God created woman for man, not man for woman.
So, in a good marriage there is respect of roles. The man is the head of the wife and the household, and Jesus is the head of the man and woman both. Jesus expects the man to love his wife deeply and with great affection but also to be ready to take on the role of making good decisions for the family. The less good decisions a husband makes has great impact on the trust and security level of his wife.
Jesus expects the woman to lovingly and respectfully partner with her husband with ideas and insight, and together come to the best results for the home. However, there will be times when the husband will have the final word. His supportive wife may not agree but she will see him through and pray him through.
COACHING DOES HELP IN
December 11, 2017
Your marriage may
be a great marriage. Your marriage may not be in counseling or any kind of
Counseling sometimes can be the rehearsal of the issues in the
marriage in search of a solution. But, coaching is also someone looking at the marriage,
seeing the play by play, the day by day, and observing where some plays are
foul. A coach can tell you exactly where you fumbled because they saw the fumble.
A coach suggests alternate plays for more wins and less fumbles.
always use some coaching. In some countries and some families, a marriage "coach" is an elder of the family, or an older brother, sister, aunt or those who counseled the couple before they got married. It doesn't have to be your pastor, but it should be someone who will speak into your lives and you be willing to respect and listen. You can agree or disagree with them, but at least be willing to listen.
There are now formally trained marriage coaches who will come alongside you for you a fee or for free. Either way, marriage can always use a coach.
What does it
mean to have some coaching in your marriage? Nothing complex. It means that you
may hear of something wonderful that another couple is doing or has done in
their marriage and you are willing to try it in your own. True, one size may
not fit all, but it does not hurt to try something proven. Or, coaching may be
as simple as someone who has been married for a long time sharing things that
have blessed their marriage throughout the many decades. They look at your marriage and see some gaping holes. They re willing to share from the treasure chest of their marriage about what helped them when they faced what you are facing today.
It may be something
as simple as a husband who has been married for a long time sharing that he never argues with his wife. He did not
say that were not issues that could have ended in an argument. He said he never
allowed an issue to cause him to argue with his precious wife. Or, on the other
hand, the wife not arguing with her husband. It may be something as simple as "I
always open the door for my wife and I never allow her to carry a load when I
am around." It may be the wife saying, "I love to prepare my husband his favorite meals and sit and eat with him." Or, something as simple as "I
enjoy helping my husband coordinate his clothes for a special occasion." Or both of them saying, "I give my spouse space for his / her hobbies, or reading, or just his / her quiet time." Simple. Yes. But very effective.
All marriages are not complex nor
complicated. The truth of the matter is that the simpler, the sweeter, the more
cleaving, the more connected, the more sincere and respectable the atmosphere in
the marriage is, the more Jesus Christ is the head of both spouses, the more lovely the marriage will be.
Coaching is an under-rated insight into marriage. Someone gives you an idea or two or three or however many for sweetening your
marriage and you run with the vision. You
don't need to pay for coaching. You just have to be willing to hear a good
suggestion, a Godly piece of advice and practice that one new goodness in your marriage to see it go
into higher gear. Coaching does help in marriage.
All Christians are married to Jesus. He coaches with His Spirit and by His word each day. Our relationship with Him and with each other are so much better off because of His coaching. But, God uses people to help us through our earthly experiences. Marriage coaching would be one of those life-helpers.
TURN YOUR MARRIAGE AROUND
November 10, 2017
- End the
cycle of unhappiness
out of that difficult relationship hole
and purposefully bring about a strong connection between you and your
smiles, kind words and gentleness to gingerly get your spouse to open up and
share. Use open-ended questions and comments that require more than
"yes" or "no"
yourself from feelings of resentment, frustration and anger from unmet needs
and unmet expectations, past quarrels and disappointments through prayer and a desire
for release from negative feelings and memories about your marriage.
drop, and break the destructive pattern of criticizing, controlling and
accusing each other.
- Build a
respectful, loving and unified home where both of you can live and enjoy life,
each other, and your marriage overall.
- Guard like an eagle your emotional and physical bond. Don't allow feelings of loneliness, dissatisfaction, and feelings of not being loved to overtake you and make you want to stay away from your spouse. Fight those marriage-crushing feelings. Resist them
until they leave you, by the power of God's word in your mouth.
IF HE ASKS, SAY "YES"
November 15, 2017
Psalm 27:14 Put your hope in the Lord, be strong,
and let your heart take courage!
Yes, put your hope in the Lord!
Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a great good;
he has won the favor of the Lord.
Nothing quite so wonderful as to wait patiently upon the Lord to
answer your prayers in life-giving, confirming ways.
all of you women who have never been married or who divorced long ago and waited for
your children to grow into adults, you have been praying and asking God to
prepare you for marriage. You waited and prayed year after year and no one
showed up that was suitable for you in marriage. So you waited on the Lord some more and
time a nice man came into your path. God began to make things happen. Good conversations.
Good family. Christian, loving, and all the ingredients that make for a suitable
marriage partner were there in him.
one day he asks you to marry him. Whether it is out of shock or trying
not to appear too eager or "too needy" your answer is, "I will think about it." But,
you have been praying about it for years. From the first time he spoke to you
and you began meeting each other's families, children and the rest, you had
been saying "yes". So, when he actually asks you to marry him, say
"yes". Is he not whom you had been praying for? Have you not been
waiting a long time for this answer to prayer?.
the right man is brought to you and you to him, when you believe in your heart that
God is orchestrating and helping you, go ahead and say "yes". You
waited for the perfect man for you. When he comes and he asks "will you
marry me. Will you be my wife?," say "yes" .
YOUR MARRIAGE CAN LAST
Let me share something I read. "There was an educated man who for unknown reasons had gone mad. He married a mad woman and they had 3 children. They were mad but happy with each other and their marriage. They would be seen kissing, hugging, caressing and being very kind to each other in the community where they lived. They shared all things in common. They bathed together, played together, ate together, entertained their guests together, and smiled together.
How they lived as a couple and raised 3 children is amazing. They had no source of income other than begging, they had "no common sense", they had no marriage counselors, and they never attended marriage classes. But, by the grace of Almighty God who gives grace to the humble, they lived together for twenty two years. They were a couple whose marriage was working well."
If two mad people can remain married for 22 years until death, then you and your spouse can do the same. Marriage counseling helps some, but marriage lasts on true love, respect, honor, caring for each other, prayer and happiness toward the other spouse.
Go ahead. Put away your differences. Arrogance and pride destroy marriages among sane people. Forgive each other and let God give you the grace of the humble to make your marriage work and last. Read and apply James 4 to your attitude and to your marriage. Watch God help you.
" But the grace He gives is greater, which is why it says,
“God opposes the arrogant,but to the humble He gives grace." James 4:6
October 2, 2017
LIKE EACH OTHER
Any marriage can work out and be enjoyed instead of just being endured if both spouses focus as much on liking each other as much as loving, honoring and respecting each other. Put the fun back into your marriage by liking something about your spouse and telling them.
Count the number of things you like, and after a while those things will replace the number of things you don't like. Do that repeatedly and see, if by the grace of God, you will experience the results that other married couples talk about in their marital praise reports.
August 31, 2017
MARRIAGE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE "WORK"
Marriage can be work if the attitude of one or both spouses is one of labor. Or, marriage can be a wonderful union if both spouses see your marriage as a blessing and not a belabored situation. Love Jesus best first, from that your love will flow freely for your spouse.
May 4, 2017
ONE PLUS ONE = ONE
That is the winning revelation of Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:7-8. Two people must become one flesh for marriage to last in a happy way. Any marriage can last because divorce is a taboo in the family or in the culture, or for the sake of the children. But, marriage is just like the Apostle Paul taught it. It is a union that often separates many people from ministry, it has times and moments of friction, it can even be like a storm upon a sea, or it can be all that marriage promises...happiness with someone you regard as your own flesh.
The Hebrew word for the union in marriage is called echad.
Echad speaks to the oneness of one man and one woman who freely and voluntarily join their life with another to become a marital spouse. Through a wedding they become one flesh with the other person. Each one brings to the life of the other person better things, or at least very pleasant things.
A marriage can remain till death do we part even if two people decide to remain two people in the marriage. But, because there is no echad, that particular marriage becomes a life of endurance far more than enjoyment.
Marriage works God's way when a ma and a woman bring their Godly uniqueness to a sacred union where love, care, kindness, selflessness, respect and honor are not about what pleases "me" but about how to live with my spouse treating them the Godly way "me" likes to treated or better.
April 11, 2017
Devotional Genesis 2:24
" This is why a man is to leave his father and mother and stick with his wife, and they are to be one flesh."
Mark 10:7- 8
" For this reason, a man should leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two are to become one flesh. Thus they are no longer two, but one."
As a loving Father, God told Israel up front what blesses Him and what offends Him. God is love. Love always makes things clear for the other person to understand and respect the terms and the purpose of the relationship. What a great way to keep a marriage relationship loving and honorable. A marriage will flow more smoothly when there is loving and submissive talks between and from both both spouses, equally.
March 13, 2017
One thing in your marriage that must be called out, talked about, counseled, brought out into the open, repented but never repeated, is abuse. There are other marriage issues and conflicts that must also be dealt with in ways that glorify God. But, abuse sets the house on immediate fire. Seek help now.
February 1, 2017
The more listening and understanding you can be with your spouse is the better your marriage will be. One word of Godly wisdom: when a talk is about to turn into an argument, stop talking and step away. You can always come back to it again when all heads are cool and all words lead to compromise.
January 16, 2107
"Marriage is a pleasant union"
October 7, 2016
Marriage must be taught as a pleasant and wonderful union of a husband and his wife under the headship and Lordship of Jesus Christ.
Many marriages work very well and with so little friction. But, all marriages are not easy, and some very difficult indeed. The Church must promote healthy marriages as examples of what marriage can truly be, and as much as we are invited into difficult marriages, we must promote solutions that can assist couples to remain married rather than see divorce as the only option.
"Steer your marriage into the winds of enjoyment"
September 5, 2016
Think of one thing that you can either change or introduce into your daily life this month and really work to perfect it in your marriage. God said what He has joined together no one should separate. Searching for problems with your marriage is no different than searching for problems with other areas of your life.
You can either make problems in your marriage or steer your marriage into enjoyment. The same energy and wisdom you apply to keep your business afloat, to keep from losing your job, to keep from car accidents, to keep from fires should be applied to keep your marriage enjoyable.
If you steer your marriage into things that bring separation, you will separate. Sometimes in loving relationships as marriage, a couple can allow simple things to steer their marriage away from enjoyment.
Your marriage can be steered into enjoyment or challenges. Simple ingredients like being friends with your spouse, laughing at simple and silly mistakes, having a sense of humor, thinking before acting or speaking can steer your marriage into enjoyment. Most people will tell you that if you want a happy marriage you should pray. That is so true. But, after praying make your marriage fun by being funny, friendly by being friendly, and work to not be angry and blaze rages. Those are joy-suckers and marriage killers. If you want your marriage to last, after praying become more pleasing and pleasant to your spouse. Steer your marriage into enjoyment.
"Don't turn to adultery"
July 6, 2016
out your differences with each other. If pouring more love into the marriage
has not helped to bind the breaking relationship, then pour in more respect.
Sometimes it is not the lack of love in the marriage that leads to feet and a heart that wander but the lack of respect and the sense of having no value in the marriage.
Talk it out with respect until you both get to the bottom of the matter. Respect the other person's
feelings and be willing to make the changes that will turn the marriage around.
Whatever you do, do not make matters worse by turning to adultery.
is one spouse is telling the other:
sexually--you are inadequate to please my passions
financially---you are inadequate to provide for me
emotionally---you are inadequate to entertain me
spiritually---you are inadequate to agree with me
socially--you are inadequate to represent me
maritally--you are the inadequate mistake I made
MARRIAGE TIP: July 1, 2016
Do you believe in marriage? If a man and a woman are married but have not made the decision to be a husband and wife, what you have is a man and woman. That is trouble in the making. The man must become a husband and the woman must become a wife. Marriage only works when the two become one.
Put it to you this way; if you are married and you are still more tied to your parents, the marriage is hurting because of that. If you are more tied to your opinions and your way of doing things, you are not yet one with your spouse. You were not created to be one with yourself or with your parents. You were created to be one with God thru redemptive marriage with Jesus Christ and one thru marriage with your spouse. The husband and the wife must become one for the marriage to work. If you are married and me has not become us, you have not yet become married.
MARRIAGE TIP OF THE DAY
April 6, 2016
Turn your ordinary, up one day, down one-day marriage into a blessed, solid relationship that shows that God joined you together. How? Make your marriage a mission, a ministry, and a place where priceless and precious things can b by others that need a Godly example of marriage. Give it a plan and ask God to use it for His purpose. Ephesians 5:22-25
LOVING YOUR SPOUSE IN HEALTH AND IN SICKNESS
February 2, 2016
I read a letter today left behind from a wife who has since died of cancer. She told a very vivid and sad narrative of how she had been married to a man who never loved her, used her for what he needed in life, spent his life in one adulterous relationship after another, fooled around with women in church and outside , and more. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she received no and no love or support from him. It was faithful women in the Lord who came to her aid thru her times of chemotherapy and weakness to help her with their children. She wrote of the physical and emotional abuse she repeatedly received from the man she married and knew as her husband.
At the time I read it, I did not ask myself if they made a vow to love each other in sickness and in health. Nowadays, people write their own marriage vows that are often non-Christian and don't include anything about how they will live and treat each other in the fear of God.
Marriage was never intended to be a life endured. God's plan for those who marry is that it should be lived in enjoyment, in kindness, in patience, in love, as a picture of how Jesus Christ loves the Church and died for it. Marriage is a relationship of care between a husband and his wife and if the marriage produces any. It is a relationship of closeness and love in sickness and in health, and to take it a step further, in financial struggle or wealth.
Your marriage will last and grow sweeter day by day if both of you remember that love is not all that binds a marriage together. It is the grace of God in your lives that bind your hearts together. That grace and that love is what binds marriage together.
If for whatever reason you have been feeling the need to verbally or physically assault your spouse, it is a sign of a disconnect from the respect that is due your spouse as well as the disconnect from the fear of God. Don't hide it. Open up and share it with a friend, a pastor, your father or mother, a grandparent. Most of all, tell God that you need help and you need deliverance. Marriage is not your opportunity to emotionally and physically abuse anyone. God did not create your spouse as your emotional or physical whipping post. God set marriage in order so that one man and one woman who want to make a life together as husband and wife will not do so in sexual sin but in holiness, in God's grace, and with God's blessings.
After you have asked God for help, get ready to examine your life to see what idols are with you. Yes, idols. Things or attitudes that we have carried from our past that are now affecting our relationships are idols. They live in the recesses of your heart and they must be removed so you can move forward with your life. What that means is that often our way of thinking and responding to things may be the result of what we have been setting before our eyes or the examples our family home set before us as we grew up from childhood.
If you are thinking of being abusive to your spouse for whatever reason, Almighty God is there for you. Go to Jesus Christ on your knees. Pray and repent to Him sincerely. He will help you to begin a journey away from what hurts you and how you hurt people. Marriage is a life of love and honor between Jesus Christ as the head of your life and your spouse. Love and honor with your spouse through the Lord's headship and the fear of God is what makes marriage a union of happiness.
P.S. The mother of the husband of the woman also died of cancer. How had he treated his mother in her illness and how did he deal with her death? Is it possible that the anger and other poisonous emotions he kept inside from his mother's death triggered his abusive nature? What poisonous emotions are you carrying inside of you that may be causing you to hurt your marriage by hurting your spouse?
God can do the impossible. Trust your life and your marriage into His hands and get some help.
SUSTAINING YOUR MARRIAGE THRU GODLY CHARACTER
January 19, 2016
Some of the best marriages we have read about in the Bible started off lovingly, but after a while one or both of the spouses showed a lack of good character. That lack began to seep into the marriage foundation as if to crack the marriage and upset its viability.
A healthy marriage that will last cannot be based purely on physical intimacy or because there is a ring on the finger. that will stand the tests that come between two spouses who are now living every single day and night together will last if both spouses apply the spiritual glue of Godly character behavior in I Corinthians 13 and Galatians 5:22. It is Godly character that sustains a marriage when the challenges of life appear.
MARRIAGE THAT TREASURES EACH DAY
January 1, 2016
The psalmist said, "this is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." If he could make such a praise over a day, then we should be making a lot of noise over a new year.
Husband and wife, love each other deeply and tenderly. Don't be easily offended by simple things. When duly offended, don't let it get into your heart. Immediately talk about it and get rid of it so it does not strain your beautiful relationship. As married people, make the most of this new year. God planned for you to be alive. Lift up your marriage to Him and let your union glorify Him who makes marriages work. God will teach you how to further sweeten your marriage in this new year.
IT'S A BLESSING TO HAVE A PROVERBS 31 WIFE
December 26, 2015
The truth is that most husbands love their wives to be women who are innovative, inventive, multi-task partners in marriage. Most wives already fall into that description. Many times the wife described in Proverbs 31 is laughed at as being non-existent. But, actually more and more men are enjoying marriage to a wife who is great with money, enterprising, a woman who enjoys her life as a woman, a wife, a mother, a businesswoman in and outside the house, an investor, and so on.
What is great is that none of that is competing with the marriage but rather adding value to both the emotional and the financial strength of the marriage. "She considers a field and buys it." Many men allow their wife room to enlarge in her own capacity since her enlargement is a sign of a wife who is trusted by her husband to be all she was created to be by God.
"She gets up early to oversee the business of the house." Interestingly enough a woman rising early most mornings to think, to pray, to act and to be proactive does not diminish intimacy between the spouses, nor does it disturb the household.
Just like the husband of the woman in Proverbs 31, many a husband today enjoy knowing that his wife is Goldy, pretty cool, decisive, brilliant, and multi-talented. These women are encouraged to go ahead and be great. It only adds to the vibrancy and the dynamic relationship between two very blessed partners in marriage.
Take a look at Proverbs 31 again together. See how many of the great things in that house can be introduced into your marriage.
MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT, NOT A CONTRACT
August 25, 2015
inspired by the beauty of I Corinthians 7
Your marriage is not the result of a great negotiation, nor is it the start of a wonderful agreement. Christian marriage is not a run-in, run out, sign- in, sign- out contract. It is the joining together of one man and one woman with God in a holy union called marriage. At times, marriage can feel heavy. At times, a bit burdensome. Sometimes it is very demanding. But, Christian marriage is always a non-negotiable covenant held together by love, respect and honor of two people who are first and fully in love with God with all their heart, soul and strength, and fully in love and in deep intimacy with each other.
MARINATE BEFORE SERVING
June 16, 2015
A good marriage is like a tasty dish of curried meat. It starts out with choice cuts of favored meats. It is washed and then seasoned with all kinds of delicious spices, peaked to perfection with some salt , pepper and curry. It is left to marinate to get the spices into the meat, not just on the surface.
The heat of the stove is just enough to cook the meat without burning it, thereby releasing the fragrance of the spices thru your kitchen. The right amount of water is added for a rich gravy. The temperature is reduced, and in the right amount of time a curry meal is ready to be enjoyed and shared with others. But, the real power of this curry was in the marinating process.
A good and Godly marriage must be marinated in the love of the two spouses for each other, like spices. But, the real secret to its long term enjoyment is that it must be marinated first in the love of Jesus Christ from both spouses. It is that heavenly spice that makes your marriage so wonderful.
Here's one way that you want to enter into premarital counseling... Enter in with the mindset that only God knows the person you believe you want to marry. Don't make any wedding plans, or send invitations, or do anything costly. Let the counseling sessions be as reasons to marry that person as much as a revelation not to marry that person.
What seems like misunderstandings to work out in premarital counseling may actually be the Holy Spirit giving revelation that you should run, not walk, away from this.
Trust God. Take the break up before you marry so that you can move on to find and marry the God-favored person and enjoy a lifetime of a divinely ordered marriage.
" My son, don’t forget my teaching, keep my commands in your heart; for they will add to you many days, years of life and peace. Do not let grace and truth leave you —bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and esteem in the sight of God and of people. Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him; then He will level your paths."
SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER IN LOVE AND MUTUAL RESPECT
1 Kings 1:16-17
May 21, 2015
Like Bathsheba to her husband King David and the king to Bathsheba, it is to the glory of God that each spouse remembers whom it is that you married.
As two Christians, your marriage will be much richer and more grounded in love and respect for each other and for Christ if you never forget that you are both anointed servants of God. In public, in your home and private time, give each other the honor due not only a husband or a wife, but a servant of God.
Sarah and Abraham, Bathsheba and King David, Aquila and Priscilla they all practiced mutual honor. It added to the strength of their marriage behind closed doors and in public for others to see and imitate.
LORD HELP ME ! I MARRIED MR OR MRS SURLY
May 7, 2015
If you are a pleasant, easy to get along with but you married a person with a surly, unpleasant personality it takes prayer and great grace to live thru it.
Sometimes we marry for wealth, or the good shape, or the prestige. But, now that you are married you are living with what was hidden from you before marriage or what you may have seen but ignored.
Lord Jesus, what should a spouse do?
Well, prayer is a key here for God to touch the heart of your spouse and move the stone that hinders them from a tender, loving heart. But, like Abigail in I Samuel 25 you have to remember love in the partnership of marriage. You may have to cover their shortcomings among family and friends with your pleasant, Christlike demeanor. Your spouse will have to see themselves thru the word of God and repent of such unpleasant mannerisms.There is hope as long as there life and love.
I Thessalonians 5:16-18
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
SEASONS OF MARRIED LIFE
April 7, 2015
As the seasons of life change, so will your marriage. A healthy, Godly marriage will change for the better and the best. An unhealthy marriage marked by and many disagreements often change for the worst. But,with God and a husband and wife who want their marriage to last, God will help you because of your willing hearts to love, forgive and honor each other.
Even singles who are married to the Lord, their husband, experience spiritual growth or weakness through the seasons. They too can receive power to rise up and become stronger in their relationship with Christ when they come into agreement with Him and His word. With your marriage will last. Ecclesiastes 3
CULTIVATE A LIFE OF MARRIAGE
March 24, 2015
Marriage is the union of one man and one woman before God in matrimony. Cultivate the same pattern of life in all that you do. Marry your faith with obedience. Marry your money with the worship of God. Marry your children to the ways of the Lord. Marry your friendships with people who worship God. Marry your career with serving God. Marry your ministry with the love of God. Marry the word of God in you with a missionary aim.
When you really consider it, the more you cultivate marriage in your life relationships is really the more you strengthen your own marriage. Marriage between one man and one woman starts off as a choice but blossoms into a lifestyle that will flow beautifully into all areas of your life. Matthew 13:8"Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop--a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
YOUR MARRIAGE IS HOLY
March 5, 2015
Do you berate your spouse in any kind of public setting? Your spouse, especially a wife, is priceless. She represents one more way for you to show the unconditional love of Christ to the one nearest to your heart as Christ has shown it to you. Husbands, if you see your wife as a "ball and chain" you will definitely not receive her re you supportive and open to talk until you both come into agreement, or do you take retreat and return to the game on TV leaving her frustrated and spiritually tired? Do you expect her to respect you just because the Bible said so, or did you discern in the word of God that there is to be equal and continuous opportunities to gain and keep that respect?
Here's a hint. Women are really very tenderhearted and ready to please those they love.
Wives, there is more to marriage than the negative reports that spew all over the world about this stormy marriage and that broken marriage.
Spouses, stop and meditate on this. You really don't have to argue in your marriage. If both of you repent and seek Christ to help you and you make the effort , your marriage can move forward as a beautiful union between two forgiven, redeemed people who are willing to make a Godly life together.
Keep your marriage from falling apart. Focus on the best in your spouse. Many couples do that and it works. They don't fight. They don't ague. When they have differences of viewpoints, they talk and each one shares his or her point. At the end, they both agree that even if it does not seem to be the best way, they will agree to do it. No one sabotages it because they don't agree. If it works, praise the Lord. If it doesn't work at least they were in it together. The spouse who had the better idea will probably get more of in the future. There are millions of Christian marriages that are healthy and loving. Shut down the broken marriages on TV or your friend's marriage that is not working as your model for marriage.
Hint: Speak kindly to each other. No one can take criticism for too long without feeling at some point the need to offer a defense against what feels like harsh blows. God can help your marriage to last. Any two Christians can get married. But, like any other meaningful, loving, lasting, lifelong relationship Christian marriage is about Godliness in words and in actions between redeemed and forgiven people who operate in love, and commitment to each other.
Let us pray. "Our Father and our God you are holy. We worship and adore you. It was you who put marriage in place for those who choose to be married. Thank you for the power of the Holy Spirit in our marriage and other Christian marriages around the world. For those who are experiencing a season of pain in their marriage, send your grace to lift them up. Open the eyes of the husband and wife to see that when they injure each other they are throwing injury at you. Thank you for my own spouse. Keep us together in kind, generous and considerate love with mutual respect for each other. May our children, our family and our friends see how blessed and possible a Godly Christian marriage ca when Jesus is the center and the anchor of that marriage. In Jesus name we pray and believe. Amen"
You are graciously invited to be a part of this tribute to marriage.
February 11, 2015
Marriage tip: Allow your spouse time with the Lord without you. It is those moments when God works with him / her as an individual. That brings blessings to the marriage. It would be equally a blessing for you to cultivate the same time of individual worship with the Lord, then come back together for spousal worship, followed by family worship.
January 13, 2015
Do your best to accommodate and maintain good and peaceful relationships with your in-laws, most especially your father and mother in-law. Show them the respect and honor that is due the parents of your spouse, just as you respect and honor your own parents. If they do not receive your honor, then it can never be said it is because you never entreated them. This too is a mark of your Christian marriage. Don't judge whether they deserve it. We have received so much from the Lord that we don't deserve. Blessed are the peacemakers. Just give it. Leave the rest to God.
And, if there are grandchildren involved, it gives them Godly stability, belonging, and is fertile soil for many precious moments and memories.
January 8, 2015
Your dear friends will always endear you and your spouse to each other the way the angels endeared Abraham to his wife Sarah.
January 2, 2015
When Satan wants to destroy a marriage thru adultery, he will send one of his demonic spirits to persuasively and consistently tempt the husband or wife until one of them communes with him more than with each other. He targets the weakest area of the marriage as a reason to commit adultery and destroy the vows of the marriage. It is the same trick from the Garden of Eden. He has not changed it. If someone will give him enough time and attention he will stuff their ears with words that sound right but are divisive. He is cunning and crafty at getting people to pervert their own good intentions toward each other by twisting the word of God. In their devalued state of mind, he divides them and launches his attack on their emotions. It is in those desert moments that another man or woman appears to fill the void between a couple.
He watched Adam and Eve engage in a blessed life with God and with each other in the Garden. He wanted to destroy what they had with God. He knew what God had said to them when he brought them together in that first marriage..."cling to each other." Does Satan need a spouse? No. Does he need intimacy? No. He wants to appear relevant above God. He has no future with God and nothing useful to offer mankind. The empowered and prosperous lives of God's beloved disturbs him. Unity disturbs him. Obedience disturbs him. Love disturbs him. Faith in God disturbs him. But, the word of God exposes him and empowers us against his attacks.
Marriage tip: Cling to each other in sweet intimacy and prayer, and when you are apart from each other in daily life remain one in thought and vision. Resist the devil and he will run from your home. Fill your mouths with the word of God and speak them often to each other. Keep your marriage in a posture of faith at all times.
December 29, 2014
There are marriages without storms. Yes. That is contrary to what many say. In every there are times of differences. But millions of Christian marriages are loving and very peaceful. The ones that avoid storms seem to be the ones where they agree to agree rather than agree to disagree. They agree to compose rather than oppose each other. It is in the way they talk with each other about their differences, the way they talk to each other to find common ground, and the vision for their marriage that never changes. They remain in one vision, therefore casting down .
Be there for each other with tender love and care in the same way that Christ is there for you. Be quick to forgive wrongs. Make any wrong right before the next day begins.
Husband, you are the head of your wife. In the head are some of the major senses. One...the eyes to see those we love. Another is the tongue. With it, we bless or destroy.
Husband, watch your tongue. Listen twice before you speak once. Don't criticize your wife just as Christ has never criticized the Church. Correct your wife as Christ corrects the Church....with love.
Don't look for her mistakes. She married you, didn't she? She is a wonderful wife. If she isn't acting wonderfully right now, ask her to share her thoughts. If she doesn't, then go to God and ask Him to reveal to you why your wife is responding in such a way and for the wisdom to respond to her. As the head, make every effort to keep your home in perfect peace.
First, apply the word of God and make sure you are in perfect peace. Pray about all things and do every reasonable thing to bless your wife and your home.
Grow with your wife. Don't grow over her. Keep the love going in all things. Make jokes about things that don't matter. You will both see your mistakes and make corrections along the way.
Wife, bless your husband. Husband, bless your wife. It's not in being right or exercising your rights. Keep pride out of your life as a Christian, and out of your marriage. Your wife will submit freely and wonderfully, but lose any ego.
Keep your marriage rich and alive. You will pass thru times of differences of opinions. The old saying is to agree to disagree. But, in a lasting two covenant people should agree to agree. Disagreeing and having opposing opinions about too many things breed contempt. An atmosphere of listening and asking the right questions should bring the two of your closer to an answer that works for the both of you. The key here is to have the same vision. That does necessarily equate to uniformity, but to unity in marriage.
It is not always about sexual intimacy. As the marriage grows, some of the sweetest, most endearing moments will be found in your tender words, your tender touch, and your generosity to each other. This way, things like holidays won't strain the marriage because the marriage is loaded with spontaneous moments of love demonstrated in continuous mutual giving all year. Christmas becomes a season of celebrating the birth of Jesus the Savior, who is the head of both of your lives, not a time of stress over gifts.
Laugh a lot at things that are really funny and silly. Balance the spiritual with the material. The food won't always be perfect and the shoes won't always be put away. Husband, help with the housework, especially where it is most needed. Even though you may not be a good cook make breakfast or dinner some times. She will never forget your efforts. Help with the children each day. Keep them when she goes to the salon. She will return with her hair "fried, dyed and laid to the side". She will return recharged and she will be grateful. Make sure she always looks good, eats well, and lacks no good thing.
Wisdom: No matter how much she earns, do not forsake your place as her husband and her covering. Bless her with money for the house and for herself.
Wife, help your husband find his best fashion self. Pray for your husband often during the day thanking God for the handsome, caring Christian man with whom you have been blessed. Make him comfortable in the house like Sarah to Abraham. That kind of caring will make him give you more than you ask for. Husband, pray for your inwardly and outwardly beautiful Christian wife often. Pray together morning and night. Lay hands on her and the children often in prayer and affection. Keep Jesus Christ in the marriage as the head of both of you to whom you both freely submit. Keep the devil out of your home and out of your marriage.
(Your neighbor's troubled marriage is not your marriage.)
Model your marriage after marriages that work. God will help your marriage to stand. Live what the word of God says about marriage and you will have what the Lord said.
Pastor M. Pinnock
November 25, I Peter 3:1-7
Apostle Peter really laid it out beautifully for married women. His instructions show the power of a wife who may or may not be what the world calls beautiful on the outside. He describes a wife who is spiritually beautiful, Holy Spirit filled on the inside and so Godly on the outside that she captures and holds her husband's attention.
Wives, even if both married when you were sinners and have gotten saved since then but he has not yet accepted Jesus Christ, he is still your husband. God recognizes and honors your marriage. As the wife who is now saved, the holiness of God in you sanctifies your marriage. Continue to share love in your matrimonial bed. He is your husband. He is good enough to be cared for with a wife's loving touch. There will be days of challenges when married to a spouse who did not take that walk with you to give his life to the Lord. However, for the Lord's sake who lives in you, keep being that wonderful Christian woman that you have become. He just might turn and serve the LORD who transformed you. Don't slap his food on the plate and grumble when you serve his meal. Don't insult his lack of Bible reading, his lack of church attendance, his lack of prayer, or his lack of love for Jesus. Don't provoke him with Jesus. Lead him to Jesus. Remember that no one can love Jesus without Jesus. Build your marriage on gentleness and a whole lot of wisdom. Jesus will do His great things for your marriage.
Marriage tip: Proverbs 14:1 No matter how rudely, or arrogantly, or proudly, or disrespectfully another woman speaks to her husband, a wife who wants to keep her husband and her matrimonial home in order and at peace will live by wisdom. She will know when to speak and when to hold her mouth. She will not tear her good house down. A Godly wife witnesses to her husband by her words and her conduct, acting with love, and respect, even when she is handling a major or minor disagreement. Your godly behavior and prayers to God can actually bring your husband to his knees in repentance. Love covers a multitude of sins on both sides.
God has your husband. When he treats you well, heaven opens up for him. When he treats you poorly, he injures his own self because his poor treatment of you will cause his prayers to be blocked. I Peter 3:7 So, humble yourself as a Christian woman and live wisely with the husband you love.
November 17, 2014
Last Sunday in church our pastor gave the married couples a challenge. The wives were to go home that day, help their husbands find a comfortable seat, turn the television to his favorite program, prepare him a cooked meal then serve his meal on a tray at his seat. One addition: when they served his meal, they were to say "my lord" in the manner of Sarah to Abraham.
Yesterday in church several of the husbands testified that their wives did that, and how wonderful they felt. One husband shared that after that he already went to the mall to buy her what she wanted. Another husband further shared that when his wife did that for him, in that moment, whatever she would have asked, he would have done it for her.
Marriage tip: Keep fanning the holy flame in your marriage. Ignite it with fresh love, fresh respect, fresh honor, fresh gratitude, and sweet acts of loving kindness, just because.
Marriage tip for the day: September 2, 2014
You thought you married a person of unfailing faith until the recent trial that you are now passing thru showed something different. Out of your beloved spouse has become bitter with God and angry with you. It seems like the devil wants you to love your spouse more than God and begin to have negative conversations about God. What should you do?
This is an occurrence in some marriages. Even would not curse or blaspheme the holy name of God because of critical sickness, or financial trials, or even in relationship trials between the spouses.
What should you do when a trial proves that your spouse has roots of bitterness in the heart toward the Lord God?
Mark 12:30 teaches us very tenderly about the condition and position of our love toward God as a means of fending off offensive and negative feelings with which life and the devil will tempt us. "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength."
When a married couple is faced with difficulty, the one whose faith is stronger should pray for the one whose faith is faltering. Remember that the work of God in marriage is love, peace, mutual submission and mutual care. The work of Satan in marriage is discord, division, and divorce for any reason. Difficulties come into every life. What Satan wants us to do most of all is to divorce God for any reason. If we fall into that trap, he will turn around and mock God as if God can save us but He can't keep us.
In such times in a marriage, you must never agree with your angry or bitter spouse against the Lord. You should continue to love them. But, God must always be God above all.
This will call for wisdom and a special grace from God because the situation and your spouse are both having a negative impact on you. The one whose faith is not shaken should fast and pray for God's power for the trial, God's strength, God's wisdom, and God's grace to remain focused in holiness until the trial is overcome. You must believe God. The situation may actually be dire, like a ship about to fall apart on a stormy sea. Believe that even there, if God would allow that to happen, that He will give you a new start, free from some things that you never even liked before anyway. Trust in the Lord your God at all times.
Marriage does not mean that you have to agree with negative words or negative behaviors from your spouse, most especially blasphemy against the Lord. Never agree with the devil against God because your spouse is not in a good place with the Lord. Speak life to your doubting spouse. Draw close with tender love. Assure them that together God will see you thru. Remind them of the good things with which God has always blessed your marriage. Name the many benefits of God you have both been enjoying in the marriage. Encourage them to hold on to God's hand first and foremost. Begin to love them more tenderly until their strength returns to them.
Know that by clinging to God first, clinging to each other in your love for God and for each other, the devil will be driven away in defeat his attempt to bring two things into chaos: your spouse's faith in God, and your spouse's love for you.
Remember what Job did when disaster hit them on every side. He never thanked God for the disaster. No one does. But, what he did do was when the devil provoked his wife to tell him to curse God and be separated from God, he put God above all and reminded his wife that it was God who had blessed them in the first place with what they had. The same mouth he used to bless God was not going to speak evil (blaspheme) God. And, he was right before God. God listened to that entire conversation between a husband and his bitter wife. God blessed Job and his wife and their life became even more powerful than it was before their great loss took place.
In reading the entire narrative of Job, we see how being watchful over one's mouth in spite of one's spouse can bring great blessings and reverse a bad situation.
Love the Lord your God with all that is within you.
Marriage tip for the day: August 29, Pastor Pinnock
SOME BEHAVIORS THAT HARM MARRIAGES: Do the opposite of these and smooth out those marital rough spots. A long and happy married life is possible thru Christ.
Putting down your spouse, using hurtful words
Constantly trying to change your spouse
Spending money when a budget is in place
Lack of family spousal prayers of agreement
Lack of the fear of God in the marriage
Nagging; contentious behaviors; grumbling
Holding back affection; holding back intimacy; refusing to talk
Holding grudges; not ever truly forgiving
No fun; joy-sucker
Lack of spontaneity in simple things
Lack of order in the house, lack of personal hygiene and personal tidiness
Lack of respect for time
Lying and incomplete conversations
Constantly wishing you had married that other person
Comparing your spouse to someone else's spouse or some other person you once loved
Not being able to accept that people do change
Negative talk about weight gain or weight loss
Not agreeing about how the children should be raised:
some spouses are less conservative, some strongly Christian, some in forming a child unto the Lord from the womb
Not seeking spiritual help before things get awful
If Jesus commanded us to love each other sincerely from the heart, how much more those that are married.
"Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart." I Peter 1:22
Proverbs 4:7 Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)
"The beginning of wisdom is: get wisdom! And along with all your getting, get insight!'
Marriage tip for the day:
You will not agree on some things. Focus on the things with which you agree strongly. That strengthens the love and the relationship. The things on which you do not have any agreement or on which you have a fragile agreement, take those things piece by piece and find mutuality and some common ground over time. Some things you will never have agreement on because they are simply not right. August 25, 2014
FORTIFY YOUR MARRIAGE:
Sustain your marriage on the fear of God, intimate moments, healthy doses of kind love, mutual respect, plenty of individual and family prayers, and keep your in-laws out of the core of your marriage. Pastor Monica
Thought for today:
Were you married in a civil ceremony in court, or by a justice of the peace, or were you married when you served another god?
You are legally married. But, have you ever considered rededicating your marriage unto the Lord? 2015 is near. New beginnings blossom with the blessing of the Lord.
If you are in the Atlanta area and are interested in rededicating your marriage and your vows unto the Lord in a church ceremony, contact us or your local Pastor. We will discuss each request on a case by case basis.
If you have no Pastor, contact us.We will discuss it on a case by case basis.